When Obama Ran, He Said, We Can

Women Want Their Men To Be Cops. They Want You To Punish Them And Tell Them What The Limits Are. The Only Thing That Women Hate Worse From A Man Than Being Slapped Is When You Get On Your Knees And Say You're Sorry.

Professional Comedians, Surprisingly, Have A Lack Of Humor. They're Insensitive To The Insanity Of Our Times.

Every Time The Russians Throw An American In Jail, The Committee Throws An American In Jail To Get Even.

A Political Satirist's Job Is To Draw Blood. I'm Not So Much Interested In Politics As I Am In Overthrowing The Government.

Television Is Never More False Than When It's Openly Sincere.