When I Was 10, I Beat Up

I'd Be In The Backyard Minding My Own Business. The Other Kids Would Call Me Names, Like Meatball Head Or Neo-calvinist. I'd Run After Them, But Lucky For Them The Chain Would Snap My Neck Back.

I Like To Play Chess With Bald Men In The Park Although It's Hard To Find 32 Of Them.

I've Always Kind Of Pushed The Envelope In Terms Of Trying To Get Away With Things No One Else Was Going Near. I Always Thought Of Myself Like A Mouse Trying To Get Cheese That No One Else Could Get Without Getting Their Tail Snipped Off.

You Know What I Hate The Most? People That Imitate Owls.

I Once Had A Large Gay Following, But I Ducked Into An Alleyway And Lost Him.