I Was Sleeping The Other Night, Alone,

When I Was A Kid, My Nickname Was Mr. Baseball. Because Of The Stitches.

Charlie Chaplin Is The Greatest Artist Of The 20th Century. He Takes Me From Laughter To Tears In Seconds. And He Was One Of The Very First Funny Men. It's Like The Original Violins Were Made In Cremona And There's Never Been Any Better Since. Sometimes The Best Come Right Off The Bat.

My Girlfriend Said, Just Buy Me Something Crazy And Expensive, Something I Don't Even Need! So, I Signed Her Up For Radiation Treatment.

I'm Not A Republican... But I Am Saving Up To Be One.

People Come Up To Me... Concerned... That I'll Reproduce.