I Lent A Friend Of Mine $10,000

Whatever Happened To The Good Ole Days, When Children Worked In Factories?

You Know, A Lot Of Girls Go Out With Me Just To Further Their Careers...damn Anthropologists.

I Was Walking Down Fifth Avenue Today And I Found A Wallet, And I Was Gonna Keep It, Rather Than Return It, But I Thought: Well, If I Lost A Hundred And Fifty Dollars, How Would I Feel? And I Realized I Would Want To Be Taught A Lesson.

I Never Cheated On My Wife. I Took Seriously Those Vows Of Celibacy.

My Sister Married A German. He Complained He Couldn't Get A Good Bagel Back Home. I Said: 'well, Whose Fault Is That?'