When I Was A Boy The Dead

I Honestly Think It Is Better To Be A Failure At Something You Love Than To Be A Success At Something You Hate.

Happiness? A Good Cigar, A Good Meal, A Good Cigar And A Good Woman - Or A Bad Woman; It Depends On How Much Happiness You Can Handle.

When I Was In Vegas Women Were Throwing Their Hotel Keys At Me. But It Was After They Checked Out.

I Use The Cigar For Timing Purposes. If I Tell A Joke, I Smoke As Long As They Laugh And When They Stop Laughing I Take The Cigar Out Of My Mouth And Start My Next Joke.

If I Get Big Laughs, I'm A Comedian. If I Get Little Laughs, I'm A Humorist. If I Get No Laughs, I'm A Singer.