When I Open A Refrigerator Door And

It's Confusing. I've Had So Many Wives And So Many Children I Don't Know Which House To Go To First On Christmas.

I Was A Thirteen-year-old Boy For Thirty Years.

Someone Once Asked Me What I Want On My Epitaph When I Pass Away. Just The Words 'i Tried.' That's What This Game Of Life Is All About. Trying. There's The Tryers, The Criers, And The Liars.

A Lot Of People Have Asked Me How Short I Am. Since My Last Divorce, I Think I'm About $100,000 Short.

My Marriage License Reads, 'to Whom It May Concern,'