When I Eventually Met Mr. Right I

When I Was A Kid, I Had Two Friends, And They Were Imaginary And They Would Only Play With Each Other.

Men Who Can Eat Anything They Want And Not Gain Weight Should Do It Out Of Sight Of The Women They're Married To.

One Of My First Office Jobs Was Cleaning The Windows On Brown Envelopes.

Natural Childbirth Scares Me. I Think Before You Have Natural Childbirth You Should Find Out How Big The Baby Is. Three Pounds -- Natural Childbirth. Anything Over Three Pounds -- Heroin.

I Work For Myself, Which Is Fun. Except When I Call In Sick, I Know I'm Lying.