When Another Comedian Has A Lousy Show,

No Matter How Often I Tell People I'm Thirty-nine Some Of Them Refuse To Believe I'm That Old.

The Only Way I'll Ever Get Hurt In The Casino Is If There's An Earthquake And A Slot Machine Falls On My Foot.

I'm Happy To Be Making My First Appearance On Air Professionally. By That I Mean I'm Finally Getting Paid, Which I Know Will Be A Great Relief To My Creditors.

Try Saving When Your Salary Is Low. So After Making More Money, You Will Not Be Able To Do This Anywhere

How Do I Get To Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.