I Was Going To Buy My Girl

When Another Comedian Has A Lousy Show, I'm The First One To Admit It.

As You May Or May Not Know, In Keeping With The High-class Tone Of Beverly Hills, Our Police Force Is Probably The Most Snobbish Group Of Gendarmes In The World. It Is Said That The Beverly Hills Police Department Is So Fancy That It Has An Unlisted Number.

When I Give Concerts, The Tickets Sell For Five Dollars To One Hundred Dollars, But For My Concerts The Five-dollar Seats Are Down In Front... The Further Back You Go, The More You Have To Pay. The Hundred Dollar Seats Are The Last Two Rows, And Those Tickets Go Like Hotcakes! In Fact, If You Pay Two Hundred Dollars You Don't Have To Come At All.

Everything Good That Happened To Me Happened By Accident.

It's Not So Much Knowing When To Speak, When To Pause.