We Don't Usually Write Up Accidents Involving

I Shot That Sucker Right In The Gumpy." Grandma Mazur

I Exchanged My Flannel Shirt For A Rangers Jersey And Zapped The Television On. Probably I Should Make More Phone Calls, But The Rangers Were Playing And Priorities Were Priorities.

Suppose I Lay Down On The Pavement And You Run Over Me A Few Times With My Own Car...just For Old Times.

I Failed Math Twice, Never Fully Grasping Probability Theory. I Mean, First Off, Who Cares If You Pick A Black Ball Or A White Ball Out Of The Bag? And Second, If You’re Bent Over About The Color, Don’t Leave It To Chance. Look In The Damn Bag And Pick The Color You Want.

He's Going To Jail. He Can't See. He Can't Hear. He Can't Take A Leak That Lasts Under Fifteen Minutes. But He Has An Erection And All The Other Problems Are Small Change. Next Time Around I'm Coming Back As A Man. Priorities Are Clearly Defined. Life Is Simple.