We All Know How Funny Morrissey Is.

The Other Day, I Got A Henna Tattoo That Says "forever."

My Name Is Zach Galifianakis And I Hope I'm Pronouncing That Right. I'm Named After My Granddad, My Middle Name. My Name Is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

I Don't Mean To Be Gross, But The Only Time It's Good To Yell "i Have Diarrhea" Is When You're Playing Scrabble Because It's Worth A Shitload Of Points.

There's More To Life Than Being An Actor In A Hollywood Movie. I'm Not Going To Adapt My Life After That Existence, Where A Lot Of People Do. And They Get The Publicist, And They Get All That Stuff, And It Becomes Them. I Think It's A Stupid Way To Live Your Life. A Really Dumb Way To Live Your Life.

I Was Just Thinking How Unfortunate It'd Be To Be A Fat Girl Named Candy.