Trust Everybody, But Cut The Cards Yourself.

W. C. Fields, A Lifetime Agnostic, Was Discovered Reading A Bible On His Deathbed. ''i'm Looking For A Loop-hole,'' He Explained.

Ah, The Patter Of Little Feet Around The House. There's Nothing Like Having A Midget For A Butler.

Anyone Who Hates Children And Animals Can't Be All Bad.

All My Available Funds Are Completely Tied Up In Cash.

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.