Bert Williams Was The Funniest Man I

There Are Seven Natural Openings In The Head And Body. A Lawyer Is The Only Human Being With Eight. The Extra One Is A Slot To Store Money In, Should His Bank Be Unable To Hold All Of It.

Trust Everybody, But Cut The Cards Yourself.

In Every Big City There Is Always One Surefire Laugh, And That Lies In Hanging Some Piece Of Idiocy Upon The People Of A Nearby City Or Town.

Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's House Unless They Have A Well-stocked Bar.

Smile First Thing In The Morning. Get It Over With.