[to The Mother Of Two Unruly Children

I Never Go Outside Unless I Look Like Joan Crawford The Movie Star. If You Want To See The Girl Next Door, Go Next Door.

[to The Mother Of Two Unruly Children In A Restaurant After The Woman Said She Really Didn't Know What To Do With Her Children:] Have You Tried Infanticide?

I Need Sex For A Clear Complexion, But I'd Rather Do It For Love.

Any Actress Who Appears In Public Without Being Well-groomed Is Digging Her Own Grave.

I Absolutely Will Not Allow Anyone To Call Me Grandmother. They Can Call Me Auntie Joan, Dee-dee, Cho-cho, Anything But Grandmother. It Pushes A Woman Almost To The Grave.