Time And Tide And Hookers Wait For

Do Ya Remember The First Time You Had Sex? I Do, And Boy, Was I Scared! I Was Alone!

I Come From A Stupid Family. My Father Worked In A Bank. They Caught Him Stealing Pens.

All My Wife And I Do Is Fight About Sex. The Other Night, We Really Had It Out. Well, I'll Put It This Way - I Had It Out.

When I Got Back Into Show Business In 1961, I Felt - For Obvious Reasons - That Nothing In My Life Went Right, And I Realized That Millions Of People Felt The Same Way. So When I First Came Back My Catch Phrase Was "nothing Goes Right." Early On, That Was My Setup For A Lot Of Jokes.

I Once Asked A Policeman How Far It Was To The Subway. He Said, "i Don't Know, No One Has Ever Made It".