Time And Tide And Hookers Wait For

I Shouldn't Tell Jokes About My Wife. She's Attached To A Machine That Keeps Her Alive... The Refrigerator.

My Mother Used To Rock Me - And She Used Big Rocks.

I Come From A Stupid Family. My Uncle Heard That Most Deaths Occurs Within Ten Miles Of The House...so He Moved.

Comedy Is In My Blood. Too Bad It's Not In My Act.

I Got My First Break And Became A Singing Waiter At Eighteen Or Nineteen. I Couldn't Make A Living At It. I Quit. Then I Got Married And Sold Aluminum Siding. My Wife Had Problems Physically. It Was Not Good.