Thou Shalt Not Steal-only From Other Comedians.

I Could Be Stranded In Any Town In The United States With Ten Cents And Within An Hour Make $20 With The Shell Game.

It Is Well To Remember That There Are Five Reasons For Drinking: The Arrival Of A Friend, One's Present Or Future Thirst, The Excellence Of The Cognac, Or Any Other Reason

If Pigs Had Wings, They Would Be Pigeons.

Philadelphia, Wonderful Town, Spent A Week There One Night

I Think Of The Church Often. Not Because Religion Was Closing In On Me, But Because For A Long Time My Ass Was Sore From That Hard, Unupholstered Pew.