This Is America. We Don't Call An

I Just Don't See Why Anybody Would Vote Republican In The Army. If You Want To Support The Troops, If I Was A Troop, I Would Say, 'you Know How To Support Me? Don't Send Me To Stupid Wars.'

If You Think Democrats Are Going To Take Away Your Bible, You're An Idiot. If You Think They Are Going To Take Away Your Gun, You're An Armed Idiot. If You Think They're Going To Take Away Your Gun And Give It To A Mexican To Kill Your God, You're Bill O'reilly.

Stand-up Is Great Because I Can Get Everything Off My Chest.

The Church Has Historically Been Very Slow To Embrace Technology. Until Very Recently, Their Idea Of A Laptop Was An Altar Boy.

New Rule: News Organizations Have To Stop Using The Phrase: "we Go Beyond The Headlines." That's Your Job, Dummy. You Don't See American Airlines Saying, "we Land Our Jets On The Runway"!