The Truth Is Deafening, No Matter How

If You Have To Explain Satire To Someone, You Might As Well Give Up.

I Drift Along, Thinking About The Past A Great Deal. The Past Is So Reliable, So Delightful, And The Best Place To Live. I End Up There Quite Often, You Know; It's Very Comfortable And Dependable.

My Parents Were Very Pleased That I Was In The Army. The Fact That I Hated It Somehow Pleased Them Even More.

I've Decided The Secret Of Parenting Is Benevolent Neglect.i Put My Family Last. Because If You Don't, If You Put Them First, They Never Thank You. You'll Never Get A Word Of Thanks From Them.

There Is No More Terrible Fate For A Comedian Than To Be Taken Seriously.