The Sofa Is The Enemy Of Productivity.

I Think There Are So Many Little Hurdles And Impediments With Stand-up That You'd Need To Have This Insane Desire To Do It If You Didn't Have Something That Clicked Right Away.

One Of The Most Difficult And Ironic Murder Weapons Is The Life Jacket.

Last Week I Lost My Temper In My Karate Class. Man, I'm Not Doing That Again Until I'm A Black Belt. Because I Can Tell You There's A Difference Between Taking Karate And Receiving Karate.

When I Was In High School I Experimented Sexually. The Experiment Was To Never Have Sex With Anybody No Matter How Hard I Tried. Success! Hypothesis Confirmed.

When You Have A Fat Friend There Are No See-saws, Only Catapults.