The Old Days Were The Old Days.

I Don't Care If The Average Guy On The Street Really Knows What I'm Like, As Long As He Knows I'm Not Really A Mean, Vicious Guy. My Friends And Family Know What I'm Really Like. That's What's Important.

It's Tough Having The Last Name Rickles. Luckily, My Kids Handled It Great.

When You Do See Me, You'll Get The Idea From When You See Me That It's All Off The Top Of My Head. A Lot Of It Is A Beginning, Middle And The End. But It's Different Every Night. I Have A Lot Of Jokes In My Back Pocket I've Said Over The Years.

I Was With George Washington At Valley Forge, Sitting Around Before An Attack... Gimme A Break. That's Over 70 Years Ago Already.

I Have No Idea What I'm Going To Say When I Stand Up To Give A Toast. But I Do Know That Anything I Say I Find Funny.