The Old Days Were The Old Days.

The Old Days Were The Old Days. And They Were Great Days. But Now Is Now.

I Have A Problem, If The Light Goes On On Tv And It Blinks Midnight, I Don't Know How To Fix It.

When Someone Says To Me, Do You Do Stand-up I Say Absolutely Not. I Like To Think Of It As A Theatrical Performance. With Me The Show Changes Maybe Five To Ten Percent Every Night. Of Course, Whatever I See In Front Of Me And Sometimes I Get On A Little Run About It And It Changes The Show. And My Delivery Is Such That People Who Have Seen Me Many Times Say Gee, I Never Heard That Before. Actually, They Have, But I Might Have Changed It Around.

Al Capone's My Uncle. The Old Days Were A Lot Different. The Latin Casino Was The Big Time. When I Got There I Figured That I Was Doing Pretty Good, Because Remember, I Started In Nothing But After Hours Joints. I Can't Even Name Them Now, But That's How I Got Noticed.

No Matter Where You Go In This World, You Will Always Find A Jew Sitting In The Beach Chair Next To You.