The Mind Is The Most Important Thing

I Wouldn't Totally Rule Out Doing Letterman Or The Tonight Show If I Had A Set That I Just Happened To Write That I Thought Was Funny But Was Still Appropriate For Network Censors. But I'm Not Going To Go Out Of My Way.

The People I Know That Have The Hardest Time Keeping It Together Emotionally Are People That Don't Workout.

Aspire To Be The Man You Pretend To Be When You're Trying To Get Laid.

No Girl Wants A Secretly Gay Boyfriend, Every Dude Wants A Secretly Gay Girlfriend.

When A Ball Goes Into A Net It Only Means Something Because We Decided It Means Something. When Somebody Punches Somebody In The Face It Always Means Something.