The First Girl You Go To Bed

You See, My Father Was A Catholic Priest, Greek Orthodox, But I Think He Started Out As A Jew, Then He Became A Catholic Priest.

My Doctor Gave Me Six Months To Live, But When I Couldn't Pay The Bill He Gave Me Six Months More.

I Have More Talent In My Smallest Fart Than You Have In Your Entire Body.

I Always Had One Ear Offstage, Listening For The Call From The Bookie.

I Never Worked With Marilyn Monroe, But If She'd Lived, I Think She Would Have Been All Right. She Would Have Been President Of The United States.