The Boomerang Is Australia's Chief Export (and

The Problem With Most People, Is That They Are Most People.

If I Could Control The Behavior Of Fat Guys I Would Make Them Ride Mopeds More Often.

And Of Course I Didn't Make Any Money From Stand Up For Years, So I Had Temp Jobs. That Was The Way I Made Money.

I Like Birthdays. Every Time Someone Is Born, That's Just Like Bringing More Cake Into The World.

I Love Women, But I Feel Like You Can't Trust Some Of Them. Some Of Them Are Liars, You Know? Like I Was In The Park And I Met This Girl, She Was Cute And She Had A Dog. And I Went Up To Her, We Started Talking. She Told Me Her Dog's Name. Then I Said, 'does He Bite?' She Said, 'no.' And I Said, 'oh Yeah? Then How Does He Eat?' Liar.