Why Do They Collect Garbarge At 5am?

Sometimes You Need A Cigarette. Like After You Have Sex With A Beautiful Woman Or A Confused Young Man.

When I First Saw A Strap On, I Put It On My Head And Ran Around Like A Rhino.

I'm Sorry, Was That Homophobic? No--i Think It Was, 'cause I Hear That A Lot. Dave, What?, You're Talking About Being Gay. You Probably Secretly Are Gay. And I'm Like Listen Voice In My Head, I'm Not! How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? I Know I Wouldn't Like It, Other Scarier Voice In My Head! 'cause One Time While Making A Sandwich, A Cucumber Went Up My Ass. Three Times.

I Like Doing Stand-up And I Love Putting Out Tv Specials.

You Ever Make Fun Of Someone So Much, You Think You Should Thank Them For All The Good Times You've Had?