I Cleaned The Attic With The Wife

So I Went To The Chinese Restaurant And This Duck Came Up To Me With A Red Rose And Says "your Eyes Sparkle Like Diamonds". I Said "waiter, I Asked For A-romatic Duck".

I've Been On The Whisky Diet - I've Already Lost Three Days!

I'm On A Whisky Diet. I've Lost 3 Days Already.

I Went To Buy Some Camouflage Trousers The Other Day But I Couldn’t Find Any.

So A Man Jumps Into A Taxi And Says "king Arthur's Close" And The Taxi Driver Says, "don't Worry We'll Lose Him At The Next Lights".