Smile First Thing In The Morning. Get

Abstaining Is Favorable Both To The Head And The Pocket.

I Was Married Once--in San Francisco. I Haven't Seen Her For Many Years. The Great Earthquake And Fire In 1906 Destroyed The Marriage Certificate. There's No Legal Proof. Which Proves That Earthquakes Aren't All Bad.

Buried My Wife The Other Day. Had To, She Died.

This Job Will Drive Me To Drink, And For That Reason, I Will Be Eternally Grateful.

Alcoholic: Anybody Who Drinks More Than I Do.