Small Wastebasket Liners, $1.17 ... Tall Wastebasket

Sometimes The Best Christmas Present Is Remembering What You've Already Got.

When Life Gives You Lemons, Squirt Someone In The Eye.

Wake Me Up When I'm A Size 5.

In The '80s, I Thought I'd Be A Success As A Woman If I Were The President Of A Billion Dollar Company, Had A Sensitive Soul-mate Husband, Two Bilingual Children, Buns Of Steels, And A Compost Heap. In The '90s, I Pretty Much Feel I'm A Success If I Can Get Through The Afternoon Without Eating A Cheesecake.

Now I'm Searching For A Slightly Overweight, Single, Childless Woman Who Doesn't Have A Date And Isn't Too Depressing To Be Around. It's Getting Harder To Find A Girlfriend Than A Boyfriend.