Slumps Don't Bother Me.

The Mother-in-law Had An Accident At Work. A Hot Rivet Dropped Down Her Drawers And She Fell Off The Oil Rig.

Funny Thing How You First Meet The Woman That You Marry. I First Met The Wife In A Tunnel Of Love. She Was Digging It.

Mind You, I've Always Been Musical... Mother Used To Sit Me On Her Knee And I'd Whisper, 'mummy, Mummy, Sing Me A Lullaby Do,' And She'd Say: 'certainly My Angel, My Wee Bundle Of Happiness, Hold My Beer While I Fetch Me Banjo.'

I Took My Mother-in-law To Madame Tussaud's Chamber Of Horrors, And One Of The Attendants Said: 'keep Her Moving Sir; We're Stock-taking.'

My Mother-in-law's So Fat That When She Passes Her Handbag From Hand To Hand She Throws It.