She Was So Ugly That I Took

A Sense Of Humor Is Rare. It Isn't Telling A Joke About How There Are Three Ways To Get To Heaven. It's Being In A Restaurant And Hearing Someone Say, Everyone's Got Their Tale Of Woe, And Then Turning Around And Saying, Unfortunately, In Life, There's More Woe Than Tail.

At Christmas Time I Sat On Santa's Lap. His Fly Was Open ! Boy What A Present He Gave Me !

Women My Age Just Don't Turn Me On. That's Another Problem With Getting Older. I Took Out An Older Woman The Other Night, And I Mean Old. I Told Her, Act Your Age. She Died.

Do Ya Remember The First Time You Had Sex? I Do, And Boy, Was I Scared! I Was Alone!

My Life Is Nothing But Pressure. All Pressure. This Pressure Is Like A Heaviness. It's Always On Top Of Me, This Heaviness. It's Always There Since I'm A Kid. Other People Wake Up In The Morning, 'a New Day! Ah, Up And At 'em!' I Wake Up, The Heaviness Is Waiting For Me Nice. Sometimes I Even Talk To It. I Say [adopts Cheerful Voice] 'hi, Heaviness!' And The Heaviness Looks Back At Me, [in An Ominous Growl] 'today You're Gonna Get It Good. You'll Be Drinking Early Today.'