When I Was A Kid We Were

You Know You're Old When Your Family Talk About You In Front Of You. What Are We Going To Do With Pop? We Have Company Tonight.

I Tell Ya I Got A Stupid Son. That's One Load That Shoulda Been Shot On The Wall.

I Drink Too Much. The Last Time I Gave A Urine Sample It Had An Olive In It.

I Told My Wife 'hey Honey Come On, Let's Make Love Like The Old Days.' She Asked Me For 50 Bucks.

I've Been Writing Jokes Since I'm Fifteen. Not Out Of Happiness, But To Go To A Different Place, Because Reality Wasn't Good To Me.