She Was So Ugly That Her Face

I Have Three Kids, One Of Each.

I Have Good Looking Kids. Thank Goodness My Wife Cheats On Me.

My Wifes Cooking Is So Bad The Flys Fix Our Screens

When I Was Forty, I Was Getting Divorced, Living In A Low-class, Dirty Hotel In New York. My Mother Was Dying Of Cancer. I Owed $20,000. That Was About The Lowest. I Came Back To Show Business, And I Couldn't Get A Job. I Was Turned Down By Every Small-time Agent In New York.

My Wife Is Always Trying To Get Rid Of Me. The Other Day She Told Me To Put The Garbage Out. I Said To Her I Already Did. She Told Me To Go And Keep An Eye On It.