Rick Perry Unveiled His New Tax Plan.

For The First Time Ever, Overweight People Outnumber Average People In America. Doesn't That Make Overweight The Average Then? Last Month You Were Fat, Now You're Average - Hey, Let's Get A Pizza!

New Year's Eve, Where Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot. Unless, Of Course, Those Tests Come Back Positive.

Jesse Jackson Also Said He Thought Barack Obama Was Talking Down To Black People By Lecturing Them On Things Like Fatherhood And Being A Responsible Husband. Jesse Thought It Was Insulting, Not Only To Him, But To His Former Mistress And Their Love Child.

President Obama Was In Disney World Today Where He Unveiled His New Plan To Create Jobs. He Was Joined By Mickey Mouse And Minnie Mouse But Not Goofy. He Had To Stay Behind To Tend To His Vice Presidential Duties.

With Halloween Coming This Weekend, They Say Not One Person In The Country Is Planning To Dress Up As Governor Sarah Palin. You Know Why? ... The Costume Costs $150,000.