Predictions Are Preposterous.

While I Have The Utmost Respect For People Who Practice The Christian Faith, The Fact Is, As Everyone Knows, I Am As Jewish As A Matzo Ball Or Kosher Salami.

They Call It Football, But The Object Of The Game Is To Bash The Other Guy So Hard That He's Eventually Carried Off The Field On A Stretcher. I Can't Watch Football Anymore. My Psychiatrist Said It's Better That Way. I Used To Watch A Game, See The Players In A Huddle - And Think They Were Talking About Me.

It's No Longer A Question Of Staying Healthy. It's A Question Of Finding A Sickness You Like.

America Is The Only Country In The World Where You Can Burn The Flag But Can't Tear The Tag Off The Mattress.

Did You Hear About The Accountant Who Became Am Embezzler? He Ran Away With The Accounts Payable!