People Come Up To Me In Bars

I'm Often Asked Why I Travel Around The Country Talking Politics. Is It For Humanitarian Reasons, Community Spirit, Or Is It For The Money, The Limousines Or The Girls? The Answers Are: No, No, Yes Yes Yes!

They Said I Ignored The Drug Problem. Well, I Gave Speeches On Drugs, I Wrote Books On Drugs. I Did Darn Near Everything On Drugs!

Having A Comic In The White House Will Assure Stability In Foreign Relations. The World Will Continue To Respond To Foreign Initiatives By Saying, 'you Must Be Joking.'

I Want To Caucus In Iowa. I'll Caucus All Over The State. I Don't Caucus In California. You Don't Caucus Where You Live. It Doesn't Look Good.

Sex Doesn't Have To Be Taught. It's Something Most Of Us Are Born With.