Only The Republican Party Cares About The

I've Got A Friend Who Is Half-jewish And Half-italian. If He Can't Buy It Wholesale, He Steals It!

While I Have The Utmost Respect For People Who Practice The Christian Faith, The Fact Is, As Everyone Knows, I Am As Jewish As A Matzo Ball Or Kosher Salami.

They Call It Football, But The Object Of The Game Is To Bash The Other Guy So Hard That He's Eventually Carried Off The Field On A Stretcher. I Can't Watch Football Anymore. My Psychiatrist Said It's Better That Way. I Used To Watch A Game, See The Players In A Huddle - And Think They Were Talking About Me.

Did You Hear About The Accountant Who Became Am Embezzler? He Ran Away With The Accounts Payable!

On The Murder Of New York Deli Owner Abe Lebewohl: It's Almost Like Wiping Out Carnegie Hall. A Sandwich To A Jew Is Just As Important As A Country To A Gentile.