Now The Thing About Having A Baby

I Think If You Can Write A Play, Or Produce A Play, The First Step Toward Success [is] If People Don't Want To Kill Themselves In The Lobby. Now There Must Be Four Or Five Other Steps, But That's The First.

While In Some Quarters It Is Felt That The Critic Is Just A Necessary Evil, Most Serious-minded, Decent, Talented Theater People Agree That The Critic Is An Unnecessary Evil.

Years Ago When A Man Began To Notice That If He Stood Up On The Subway He Was Immediately Replaced By Two People, He Figured He Was Getting Too Fat.

A Lawyer Is Never Entirely Comfortable With A Friendly Divorce, Anymore Than A Good Mortician Wants To Finish His Job And Then Have The Patient Sit Up On The Table.

Man Is The Only Animal That Learns By Being Hypocritical. He Pretends To Be Polite And Then, Eventually, He Becomes Polite.