No One Diets On Thanksgiving.

A Kitchen Without An Ironing Board? Are You Kidding? It's Un-american. It's Like Simon Without Garfunkel.

Mother's Words Of Wisdom: Answer Me! Don't Talk With Food In Your Mouth!

I Have Seen My Kid Struggle Into The Kitchen In The Morning With Outfits That Need Only One Accessory: An Empty Gin Bottle.

With All The Precautions And Risks That Accompany Sex Today, It Sounds About As Much Fun As Walking Through A Minefield.

If Compliments Were Food, I'd Have Starved To Death 28 Years Ago.