Never Run With Scissors Or Other Pointy

I Have Been Made Redundant Before And It Is A Terrible Blow; Redundant Is A Rotten Word Because It Makes You Think You Are Useless.

A Mate Of Mine Has Just Told Me He's Shagging His Girlfriend And Her Twin, I Said How Can You Tell Them Apart, He Said "her Brothers Got A Moustache!"

People Who Are Willing To Get Off Their Arse To Search The Entire Room For The Tv Remote Because They Refuse To Walk To The Tv And Change The Channel Manually.

My Parents Used To Take Me To The Pet Department And Tell Me It Was A Zoo.

If You Give People A Chance, They Shine.