I Don't Aim To Offend.

There's Nothing Like It, But It's Not As Good As You Think It's Going To Be. . . . I Was Disappointed Because There Are Records Of People Finding Things That Have Been There For Years. I Was Hoping For A Shirt Button, Or My Club's Badge - But Not A Sausage.

I Don't Believe In Angels, No. But I Do Have A Wee Parking Angel. It's On My Dashboard And You Wind It Up. The Wings Flap And It's Supposed To Give You A Parking Space. It's Worked So Far.

I'm A Big Fan Of The Mars Bar Diet. You Don't Eat The Mars Bar, You Stick It Up Your Arse And Let A Rottweiler Chase You Home.

If I Had A Hammer, There'd Be No More Folksingers.

As Soon As I Got Successful, The Scottish Press Started Picking On Me. It's Something They Reserve Just For Me.