I Don't Aim To Offend.

I've Been A Poser For F--ing Years. I Say, Pose Your Arse Off. You Know, Have A Laugh.

My Advice To You, If You Want To Lose A Bit Of Weight: Don't Eat Anything That Comes In A Bucket. Buckets Are The Kitchen Utensils Of The Farmyard.

I Don't Have Wild Dogs Chasing People With Scripts Away From My Door. I Get My Share. I've Done Okay. But I Usually Do Independent Stuff Because That's Mostly What I'm Offered.

As Soon As I Got Successful, The Scottish Press Started Picking On Me. It's Something They Reserve Just For Me.

There's Nothing Like It, But It's Not As Good As You Think It's Going To Be. . . . I Was Disappointed Because There Are Records Of People Finding Things That Have Been There For Years. I Was Hoping For A Shirt Button, Or My Club's Badge - But Not A Sausage.