Self-pity Is Better Than None.

I Always Wondered How I Could Tell When The Right One Came Along - But It Was Easy. He Was The Only One That Came Along.

When He Proposed He Said, "we'll Make Such Beautiful Music Together," But In This Duet, His Part Seems To Be All Rests.

The Reason I'm Not An Alcoholic Is I Don't Like To Drink In Front Of The Kids . . . And When You're Away From Them, Who Needs It?.

Keep At Least One Window Pane Clean To Check The Weather. Once When I Didn't Do This I Sent The Kids Off With Umbrellas For Six Weeks Straight.

It's Hard To Find A Negligee In My Size. I Wear A Junior Mister.