Self-pity Is Better Than None.

Choose A Checked Or Striped Wall Paper. People Will Be Halfway Home Before They Are Able To Focus.

We Have Far Too Many Kids. At One Time In The Playpen There Was Standing-room Only. It Looked Like A Bus Stop For Midgets. It Used To Get So Damp In There, We'd Have A Rainbow Above It.

You Know You're Old When Someone Compliments You On Your Alligator Shoes, And You're Barefoot.

I'm At An Age When My Back Goes Out More Than I Do.

I Became A Stand-up Comedienne Because I Had A Sit-down Husband.