Never Admit That Your Back Goes Out

I'm Going Out With These Old Guys. One Guy Gave Me A Hickey And Left His Teeth In My Neck. Another Man, We Were Having A Perfectly Lovely Dinner; He Looked Up And Me And Went: You're Not My Wife! Another Guy Died During Dinner. I Had To Go In His Pocket To Get The American Express Card. Then You Wonder: What Would He Tip? Another Guy Said: I Want You To Meet My Family, And Took Me To The Cemetery.

Elizabeth Taylor's So Fat She Puts Mayonnaise On Aspirin.

The Last Time I Saw A Blonde With Red Streaks In Her Hair She Was Laying On Oscar Pistorius' Bathroom Floor.

Remember A Few Years Ago When They Left Bea Arthur Out Of The Death Reel At The Oscars? Bea Arthur! How Did They Leave Bea Arthur Out? She Was In Mame; She Was In All In The Family; She Was In Maude; She Was A Golden Girl, For God's Sake! Bea Was Not Only One Of Hollywood's Leading Ladies, She Was One Of Hollywood's Leading Men!

I Could Stop And Live Carefully But That's Ridiculous. I Don't Want To Live Carefully.