My Wife Was Too Beautiful For Words,

Sex: The Thing That Takes Up The Least Amount Of Time And Causes The Most Amount Of Trouble.

Happiness Often Sneaks In Through A Door You Didn't Know You Left Open.

My Only Regret In The Theater Is That I Could Never Sit Out Front And Watch Me.

Love Is The Delightful Interval Between Meeting A Beautiful Girl And Discovering That She Looks Like A Haddock.

I Would Like To Find A Stew That Will Give Me Heartburn Immediately, Instead Of At Three O Clock In The Morning.