My Wife Is A Sex Object -

My Mother-in-law Has So Many Wrinkles, When She Smiles She Looks Like A Venetian Blind.

I Knew I'd Chosen The Wrong Airline When I Noticed The Sick Bag Had The Lord's Prayer On It.

The Mother-in-law Came Round Last Week. It Was Absolutely Pouring Down. So I Opened The Door And I Saw Her There And I Said, 'mother, Don't Just Stand There In The Rain. Go Home.'

Take My Wife... Please. I'm Not Saying She's Ugly, But When She Went To See A Horror Film, The Audience Thought She Was Making A Personal Appearance.

Mind You, I've Always Been Musical... Mother Used To Sit Me On Her Knee And I'd Whisper, 'mummy, Mummy, Sing Me A Lullaby Do,' And She'd Say: 'certainly My Angel, My Wee Bundle Of Happiness, Hold My Beer While I Fetch Me Banjo.'