My Own Personal Rule Is To Tell

My Best Friend Is Disabled. There's Nothing He Hates More Than Being Left Out Of The Jokes, To Be Treated With Kid Gloves. That's The Insult.

Last Time I Was In Canada Celine Dion Had Just Given Birth To Identical Twins. Which Is Quite An Achievement Given Her Age And Face.

You Know, Sometimes I Worry, You Know, Is Comedy And My Type Of Comedy Going To Get Stale? Is It Going To Be So Offensive That It Becomes Uninteresting Or So Niche That I Don't Have An Audience Anymore? But It Keeps Getting Bigger And Bigger And Bigger, Where Roasting Now Is A Movement. These Roasts Are On In India, In Mexico.

With Everybody Having A Facebook And A Twitter, I Feel Like Regular People Consider Themselves Stars. It's A Live, Real-time Upload Of Every Time We Buy A Pair Of Socks, The Most Telling Sign That We're Losing Our Politeness. When You Know Everything About Somebody, You Can Talk To Them Any Way You Please.

I Would Vote For You For President But I'm Against Big Government.