My Object Is To Live In A

Owning Your Own Home Is America's Unique Recipe For Avoiding Revolution And Promoting Pseudo-equality At The Same Time.

I've Always Said That Next To Imperial China, The South Is The Best Place In The World To Be An Old Lady.

During The Feminist Seventies Men Were Caught Between A Rock And A Hard-on; In The Fathering Eighties They Are Caught Between Good Hugs And Bad Hugs.

Any Discussion Of The Problems Of Being Funny In America Will Not Make Sense Unless We Substitute The Word Wit For Humor. Humor Inspires Sympathetic Good-natured Laughter And Is Favored By The Healing-power Gang. Wit Goes For The Jugular, Not The Jocular, And It's The Opposite Of Football; Instead Of Building Character, It Tears It Down.

Americans Respect Talent Only Insofar As It Leads To Fame, And We Reserve Our Most Fervent Admiration For Famous People Who Destroy Their Lives As Well As Their Talent. The Fatal Flaws Of Elvis, Judy, And Marilyn Register Much Higher On Our National Applause Meter Than Their Living Achievements. In Amerca, Talent Is Merely A Tool For Becoming Famous In Life So You Can Become More Famous In Death - Where All Are Equal.