Real Feminism Is Spinsterhood.

In Its Purest Sense, Nicknaming Is An Elitist Ritual Practiced By Those Who Cherish Hierarchy. For Preppies It's A Smoke Signal That Allows Bunny To Tell Pooky That They Belong To The Same Tribe, While Among The Good Old Boys It Serves The Cause Of Masculine Dominance By Identifying Bear And Wrecker As Alpha Males.

Thank God I'm Over The Hill. The Only Heat I Have Left Comes From Hot Flashes, My Promiscuity Is Confined To The Words "one Size Fits All," And I Buy My White Cotton Unmentionables At Boadicea's Retreat, Not Victoria's Secret. None Of The Things Men Do To Women Could Possibly Happen To Me Now Unless The U.s. Is Invaded By One Of Those New Russian Republics Whose Soldiers Aren't Fussy.

Showing Up At School Already Able To Read Is Like Showing Up At The Undertaker's Already Embalmed: People Start Worrying About Being Put Out Of Their Jobs.

The Witty Woman Is A Tragic Figure In American Life. Wit Destroys Eroticism And Eroticism Destroys Wit, So Women Must Choose Between Taking Lovers And Taking No Prisoners.

I Don't Mind Being Regarded As Perverted And Unnatural, But I Would Die If People Thought I Was A Democrat.