My Mom Gave Me One Of Those

I Used To Be Scared Of Pretty Girls, Until One Confessed They're Just As Scared Of Me.

When I Was Young, My Father Had A Serious Heart Attack. He Survived, But We Lost Our House And Car. Under The Canadian Medicare System, Though, We Would Have Kept The House And Car And Would Have Just Had To Pay The Inheritance Tax.

Writing Jokes For Others Is Like Having Babies For Someone Else. It's Sad. Like The Woman Who Gives Up Her Baby But Needs To Be Close So She Secretly Becomes The Maid In The Household.

Countries Are Making Nuclear Weapons Like There Is No Tomorrow.

There's A Joke In Everything, The Trick Is Finding It. The Best Compliment A Joke Can Get Is What Huxley Said About Darwin's Theory Of Evolution - 'why Didn't I Think Of That?'