My Favorite Procrastination Is To Make The

Words Matter. Especially If You're Kicking Someone's Ass In Words With Friends.

The Comedy Store - All Three Rooms Were Filled With 800 People In The Room. And During That Time, All These Guys And Some Women, But Mostly Guys Who Weren't Funny Were Doing Stand Up For A Living; They Weren't Accountants, They Were Making $30-$50 Grand A Year On The Road, Or More.

I Think When You Dissect A Joke Too Much, You Have Ruined Whatever There Is In Comedy.

My Haircutter Figured Out I Whine Less If I'm Under General Anesthesia. I Just Hope When I Awaken They Haven't Given Me A Brazilian Wax.

You Learn Who Your Friends Are When You Find Out Who Will Lie For You.