My Dad's Dying Wish Was To Have

I'm Not Being Condescending, I'm Too Busy Thinking About Far More Important Things You Wouldn't Understand.

I Think The Idea That Death Is Not The End, That Your Dog's Just Gone To Live On The Farm, Is Limiting. Thoughts Like That Prevent You From Making The Most Of The Time That You Have.

After A Gig I Always Head Back To The Hotel, Remembering Granny's Words Of Wisdom. I Cancel The Late-night Pizza And Watch The Jonathan Ross Show Instead.

Like Most Of The World's Population I'm Into Coffee, My Perfect Weekend Would Start With A Pint Of Coffee.

A Surprising Amount Of My Jokes Sound Very Implausible But Are True.