Motivation Is A Lotta Crap.

When Jerry Lewis And I Were Big, We Used To Go To Parties, And Everybody Thought I Was Big-headed And Stuck Up, And I Wasn't. It Was Because I Didn't Know How To Speak Good English, So I Used To Keep My Mouth Shut.

It Was A Woman Who Drove Me To Drink. Come To Think Of It, I Never Did Hang Around To Thank Her For That. 'hey Lady! Do I Look All Blurry To You? 'cause You Look Blurry To Me!'

The Reason I Drink Is Because When I'm Sober I Think I'm Eddie Fisher.

Johnny Carson Is A Comedian Who Is Seen Every Night In Millions Of Bedrooms All Over America...and That's Why His Last Wife Left Him.

I Once Shook Hands With Pat Boone, And My Whole Right Side Sobered Up!